I Gotta Go Grammar Police on “Prison Break – The Final Break” and How a Movie Gets Made

… drive down all the long-winding roads and break all the world’s most difficult codes. Smile on a passing favor and find thoughts with which to savor. Laugh while hoping things get better and put all your dreams in a handwritten letter. Know the demons that from within arise and catch your future with the element of surprise…

7/29/09

Aloha! Last Friday, while watching my dearest friends’ dogs, I watched the “Prison Break” movie (or two episodes squished together into 90 minutes) known as “The Final Break.” I was very happy that certain aspects of the show were concluded in a relatively neat fashion. I got a bunch more “T-Bag” (played by Robert Knepper) lines to use at work for S’s and G’s, such as “my pro quo to your quid” and “how’s it going Five-star?” (or something like that). Although, I should be careful – I do occasionally run across a 5-Star General or two and if I called that person “5-Star” in public, it would probably go over about as well as a “terd in a punch bowl”, as one of my co-workers just loves to say.

Before I go all “Grammar Police” on the final scene, I’ll mention a conversation I had with my friend Todd last week. (yes – just a friend – no other strings attached – to answer a rather curious e-mail from someone named “JumbOLie-ya”) Todd and I wholeheartedly agreed that one of the worst things to happen from a television-viewers perspective is a show getting cancelled and that’s it – all gone – never to be heard from again. It really is a bummer when one gets invested in a character or plot or some other aspect(s) of a show and then the show just goes off the air for good. Well, as a person who values time more than money, I totally feel shafted (or bent-over, if you like) when a show I enjoy and for which I make time simply disappears. Thankfully, the “Prison Break” folks got a chance to tie-up some loose ends and finish out the last season. Hurray for that!!

As I wrote a few blog entries ago, I spent some time reading the IMBd Wentworth Miller message boards. (at some point – I concluded that I just couldn’t look away – I was captivated entirely – but I will deny it fervently;-) ) Somewhere I read a few “spoilers” and because of that I pretty much knew what to expect in “The Final Break”. I wasn’t sure how “Scofield” bites the dust and I was interested in the fate of Theodore Bagwell. I have read that many “Prison Break” fans were disappointed in “The Final Break”, but I appreciated the closure, so there won’t be, but one, complaint from me.

Which brings me to the final scene in which Sara (Sarah Wayne Callies) and Link (Dominic Purcell) are watching Michael’s(Wentworth Miller) last video to his family. It does not escape me that I’m probably one of the very, very few who noticed or even cared about the extremely poor grammar spoken in Michael’s video, but because of it (the poor Grammar), I had to rewind the last few minutes and re-listen to Michael’s departing words. He speaks about his “child”, which is singular – however, he then refers to “them” and “they”, which denotes a plural – or children. I was briefly confused by Michael’s reference to “them” and “they”, so I did rewind and determined that he was actually refering to one child. I suppose I tend to pick-up on “the little things” more than “the average bear”, so if bad grammar is my only real problem with “The Final Break”, then I recommend that all “Prison Break” fans be sure to check it out. (yeah – I’m a geek/nerd/dork – no need to remind me!)

I have also mentioned in a recent blog entry that I have volunteered some of my time in an effort to assist in the making of a movie. To bring you up to speed – this movie has been in “production” since 2005. Once a year, someone will contact me and tell me that the movie is “back on” and most of the same group of people get together again and work toward the movie’s completion. I won’t get into all the drama and specifics (most of which I’ve been lucky enough to miss anyway), but the people who own the equipment needed to film and the people who spend the most money and supply most of the talent, have two different ideas on how this movie should take form. This causes a tremendous amount of friction, that eventually creates a big enough rift to halt production for many months each year. I have a full-time job and anything I do regarding this film is strictly on the side and so far, I have not made a single penny. I have pretty much done everything but direct so far. It’s been a hard-road for all involved – yet it has allowed me to see how a movie gets made and I have learned more than I could ever have expected. Most of the shooting has been done, but because we lost a high-profile actor between this year and last, we have to find some creative way to fill the void. I even get to “appear” in this film now.

I have had some fun over the last month or so and I won’t lie and tell everyone that it isn’t fun being in front of the camera, but the experience has mostly just solidified my position on anonymity. I prefer being involved with film/tv/video production from the back-end, or sidelines. I doubt it’s a question of talent or “will”, as much as it is a question of me being me and not having to cultivate a “PR” image that will most likely just piss me off in the end and create a situation where I have to compromise more of myself than is pissible to give. I’m difficult to package-up nicely, so it’s best that I just do my thing away from the eyes of those who might find me interesting. It is a foregone conclustion that I am not really meant for public consumption.

The main goal of those who created the premis for this film and who have overcome nearly insurmountable odds is to get the film to certain film festivals. I allow myself to get pulled back in simply because I respect and admire the fact that no one, on any side that matters, will call it “quits” and let the movie die. I can frame a shot, run a camera and I’m a super-fast learner, so I figure I won’t be a party to the “politics”, but I won’t be one of the may who have given up and dropped out  either. Technically I’m a “rookie”, because I have not been to film school, but most of the people involved have thus far been patient, helpful and understanding of my ability to “learn on the fly.” Plus, I have been around enough through the years to not be a completely green.

Personally, I am finding myself becoming half-way excited that this thing may actually be complete and ready to go by early 2011. I also find myself quite thrilled by the fact that some of the local “crew” have been given permission to use a rich guy’s pool all summer, whenever we want. I don’t need to be paid – I just need a free pool that comes complete with a poolside grill and a fridge that is ALWAYS stocked with steak. Considering I am a water person all the way and considering I love me some grilled steak – it would be one dumb idea not be involved in whatever way I can with this particular project. Not to mention the rib-cracking laughing fits that accompany a long weekend of trying to get out “rag-tag” group from one location to another with no food, no smokes, no caffiene and hardly any sleep.

We have had to take another break so the two writers can hunker down in solitude somewhere and come up with more lines for my character and change part of the ending to explain the disappearance of another character. I think there are some other issues, but I am not privy and I feel I should let the others “play” on their own for a while.

I am forced to blog about things that happen outside my regular work day, for the most part. I work for Homeland Security and just like in Las Vegas, what happens in the office, stays in the office. For those in the “Prison Break” know – my life is absolutely nothing “Agent Don Self’s” life. I doubt anyone’s life is like that.

I’m off to figure how I’m going to get places with a vehicle that has no working fuel pump – just when I thought I was gaining some headway on saving – ahhhh crap.

Rock on movie makers – peace – mia (sciencegirl99@excite.com)

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Meet a Baltimore Artist and a Languishing Theater – NYC Starbucks Saves the Day!.

7/24/09

Good afternoon all! I have had a fun-filled week  that included a very spur of the moment trip to New York, a visit to an artsy friend and an endoscopy. The endoscopy was rather routine and there were no complications, so that’s all I have to say about that. I only mention it because I needed a person to drive me to a fro. I don’t have family and most of the people I know are many hundreds to thousands of mile away from me, so I gave my friend Todd Conway a shout, knowing that he is an “art-bumb” during the summer when he is not teaching art in Baltimore City. Of course, he’s a good guy, so he happily gave me a place to crash and took me to the hospital.

Todd has done a lot of work that has been featured in Baltimore, MD and Maryland in general. He has managed to do what many cannot – he gets paid to do what he loves and he has time-off in the summer to explore new creative ideas. I’m very, very happy for him. His house draws a lot of attention and he hit the jackpot on location.

Todd did me a major “solid” and I appreciate that given how difficult it is for me to rely on others. Since I had a few minutes to get to the blog this afternoon, I decided to do some blatant “Todd Conway” promoting. He’s been working on a graphic novel for a very long time and I got to see him working on it while I was recovering at his house this week. It’s absolutely fascinating watching the artisitc process in action. Plus, I think I might be able to convince Todd to help out with a movie that I’ve been working on for free for a while. I met some very ambitious local film people a while ago and they just love to intice me with project. This time around – they got me. I just couldn’t say “no”. But, there have been a few snags and I think it’s time for big “Todd Conway” to sit down with me so we can brain-storm.

Anyway, I think if you need something wholly Baltimore and you need it done right – got see “Todd Conway“! Now, this brings me to a more sobering portion of today’s entry. I work in Downtown Baltimore and every day I get to see something that makes me very sad. 1/4 of Charles Plaza consists of the building that once was the Morris Mechanic Theater. I saw several plays there while the Mechanic was still open. Now the theater is partially boarded-up and much of the glass is shattered. The Mechanic went lights out after the Hippodrome was finally refurbished and opened. There has been very little done to preserve or modernize the building. The City of Baltimore has determined that the theater does have historic value, so permits would be difficult for a mulit-use facility.

It makes me want to do something – anything – when I walk by the Morris Mechanic every day and see the same Bobcat and construction equipment sitting in the exact same place on part of the roof. One of my co-workers tells me that the Bobcat has been sitting up there for at least two years. I realize that some people don’t like the architectural style of the building and I understand that there are more modern venues for theatrical productions in Baltimore, but if I listen closely enough – I can almost hear the echoing sound of hollow culture flowing out of the delapidated, unique form. Maybe I should get crackin’ hmmmm – Now where to begin?

On an unrelated note – I’ve been helping some independent filmakers do their thing this month. They have made several films – only one of which you have probably seen. They appreciate my creative and rather, well, enthusiastic spirit, so upon request, I offered up myself to be IN FRONT of the camera, instead of behind the scenes, where I feel much more anonymous. To get to the meat of my point, I had to take a quick trip to a very busy New York City neighborhood this week. It was all quite last minute, but I made it in enough time to have someone make me up and then toss me into the mix of things for a total of about 10 minutes in front of the camera. The experience was a rush in a few ways, but if it were not for Starbucks Coffee, I’d have not made it home again.  There are no Starbucks close to where I live. I used to live within walking distance of a Starbucks. I got my hands on some Starbucks in NYC and things just seemed a little – better.

You most likely will not see me coming to a theater near you, even though, my role just expanded. This particular film is having a lot of trouble trying to “find its legs” as one of the producers keeps telling everyone. Given the fact that several people involved are volunteering their time and services (a lot of both actually), the film will most likely be finished. But in what condition? That remains to be seen.

Anyone have any ideas on how to go about saving a theater? – peace – mia (sciencegirl99@excite.com)

Brining Baltimore to life since 1967 – http://www.toddconwayarts.com

Artscape in Baltimore – We Get Our Art On and Take “IT” Out Sometimes Too!!

… Pour me some dessert wine, from grapes frozen on the vine. Nap with me on a beach, snoozing happily each. I’m ready right now – though I don’t know how. Bring tears and rain. Bring fears well lain. Bring sad desolation. Bring bad desperation. Bring all the world to view. Bring it all – as long as it all – comes with YOU…

7/22/09

Good afternoon out there! I am lucky enough to have the ability to work from home every-so-often and today is a good day to be home. I started one of my cats, “Dirty Harry” on insulin today. My dad was a diabetic and one of the family cats had diabetes as well, so I am not unfamiliar with the needle situation. I think the one thing I’m most concerned about is having to keep a very stable food/medication schedule. I also have a cat who requires an asthma “puff”, but she can go a day or two without and she can get her “puff” at about any time of the day. If I need to travel or work a long day, I will need to find someone who lives close enough to me and who doesn’t have a problem giving a cat a shot. I will adjust, but I am still trying to get a hold of this most recent deveopment.

In an effort to get out and experience some creative flow, I took the time to stop-off at Artscape last Friday. Baltimore is the proud home of the nations largest free arts festival. I hadn’t been to Artscape for several years, but this year, the Light Rail train has stops that are pretty much right at the front or back door of the festival, so it was pretty much a no-brainer for me to hop-off the train on the way home from work and enjoy some music, street performances and other artsy goodies. I wandered around for much longer than I had origianlly anticipated. It was quite by happenstace that I ended-up seeing a tribute to Maria Callas. I’m no tan opera buff by any stretch of the imagination, but my parents once played me a recorded version of  “Tosca” with Maria Callas and I still remember it to this day. Fan-freakin’-tastic.

I was offered a job at MICA (Maryland Institute College of Art), which plays a big part in Artscape every year, but had to turn the job down because I had already committed to a contract. I’m actually looking into programs at MICA. I miss certain aspects of being in school, but I’m only looking to feed the creative, inspired side of me at this point in my life. I’ll have to work on my current “re-build”, as I like to call it, but perhaps, someday – I’ll be back to the school-grind yet once again.

If you visit Baltimore, MD or the surrounding area in July next year – COME HAVE SOME FUN AT ARTSCAPE!! It’s a must see.

As I mentioned, I ride the Light Rail to get into Baltimore City every work day. My daily commute is long and involves a 45 minute drive to the Light Rail where I board and sit for another 40 minutes or so to get downtown. Yes, that’s right – 3 hours of my life are spent commuting. I have learned to appreciate the alone time on the drive and have a small MP3 player, so I can listen to tunes on the train. I have become habituated to my commute and can’t find words (that I can spell correctly anyway) to express how blessed I am to have a full-time, benefit holding job. All things considered, I am one very fortunate individual. Now having stated that, I must balance out that thought by giving an example of how I also seem to live in some sort of obscure, Twilight Zone-esque, parallel Universe that allows me a personal, daily dose of overwhelming amazement and entertainment just by waking up and doing normal everyday activities.

I was later than usual in getting seated on the Light Rail one morning a couple of weeks ago, because of an early morning appointment to see one of my docs. As usual, I sat by the window and kept my gaze on the objects outside, which is necessary for me to avoid motion sickness. Also as usual, a stop or two later, someone sat next me because the train tends to fill quickly as the train makes its way downtown. For those of you who have regularly used public transportation, it should not be a surprise that a person seated next to you is drinking a “40” in a bag at 9:00 AM. As was the case this morning, I was not at all fazed by concealed alcohol consumption taking place in the seat directly next to me. However, as it happened, about four stops later, I glanced at the lap of the fellow sitting next me.

 As an afterthought, I realize that my very first reaction to what I saw might to most, seem bizarre. In my world however, it was par for the course, so to speak. As I caught the picture of what my eyes were perceiving in my head, the very first thing I recall thinking was, “Why is this guy carrying a big, black dildo on the train with him?” Perhaps the fact that I did indeed need to do a triple-take will help you visualize what I got to see first hand. While I am no stranger to the male anatomy, the context in which I got a full-on peep show of a well-endowed, wholly engorged man made the situation a bit less than desirable. However, on the spot, I weighed my options and figured that making a scene might traumatize the children nearby who could not see the newspaper covered penis. Also, it occurred to me that one probably shouldn’t entice any sudden movements when a “sword” has been “presented”, given the fact that I was within firing distance of urine and another, more sticky substance.

In truth, I did gaze down at the “thing” more than once. It was very difficult not to look. I mean – there it was – in all of its glory. The guy giving me the show seemed as though he had practice showing off his member and just kept on holding the paper so no one else could see and staring forward. I’m not sure what reaction the gentleman was hoping to elicit, but I “let it ride”. Upon the approach of my stop, I leaned over to my train “buddy” and quietly whispered, “You should put that away now – this is my stop.” And just like that, he moved a bit in his seat and then “IT” was gone. I wonder if I should be flattered that a random dude on my morning commute felt the need to show me their porn-star quality genitalia? Judging by how well he managed the entire “incident”, I’m inclined to think he has had a lot of practice.

It’s not every day one gets to see something like that on the way to work.

Go ART it up for a while – peace – mia sciencegirl99@excite.com

Prison Break Marathon from Hell/Heaven Part 2

. . . Another day in far away – so close in thought – two coffees bought.  You know me, because you know yourself. I know nothing – but sure of your determined stealth. Your sensitive mind won’t let you unwind – my empathetic lure can find you a cure. Did you see me type this out? Can you signal with a little shout? What was I watching on DVD? Can we combine when you finally tell me? . . .

7/19/09

It’s a beautiful Sunday and I’ve got some free time to hang out and type a while. No better time than now to finish my Prison Break marathon thoughts. First, I have to admit that I seriously made comments to those I know who were regular watchers of “Prison Break” that I couldn’t imagine a show called “Prison Break” could make it as a series. When the show was first advertised, I simply couldn’t help but think that it would be very dfficult to imagine how a show could continue once that acutal break from prison took place. Of course, the creators, crew and all involved with that show gave me a lesson in how to make a show a series – even with a limiting title such as “Prison Break”. I absolutely admire and respect the series for that reason alone.

But other things also made a me a true fan. As I mentioned in Part 1 – Robert Knepper played “T-Bag” so well, I barely have words to descirbe how much I thoroughly enjoyed the whole “T-bag” experience. I am a silly person and I delight in certain entertaining activities, so of late, my co-workers have all made mltiple requests for me to do my best “T-Bag”. Yes, I am a female with no fake hand, but I somehow just picked-up the way of the “T-Bag” and while preparing for a training session at work, I must have channelled “T-Bag”, because I get requests almost every day at this point. You have to be willing to dig deep into the darkened depths of the soul to pul-off “T-Bag”. I can’t praise Robert Knepper enough for bringing Theodore Bagwell to life as he did. Plus, I give my highest kudos to the writers for pulling out the “Sona-Hawkins Dance” and the story about T-Bag’s cat who a good mouser. I realize it might be saying volumes about me to bring to light my total thrill in a character like “T-Bag”, but I can’t let that stop me from praising those responsible for forging the way for “T-Bag” on television. Thanks for all the work.

Next on the “Prison Break” list for me is the fact that I took the time to IMDb all the actors who had any significant role in the series. I was familiar with Dominic Purcell from the short-lived show called “John Doe”. I was disappointed when that show was cancelled. It was first Tv show I had seen in a while that I actually liked and didn’t want to miss. I was also a fan of the “Blade” series and especially found Mr. Purcell’s vampire character compelling for some reason. Obsure as it may be to some, I thought the movie “Three Way” had an intersting plot. I thought the casting people got the Wentworth Miller/Dominic Purcell ratio just right. The only negative comment I have about Mr. Purcell pertains to the Aussie accent that I began to notice more and more – especially in Season 4. I’m a freak of nature when it comes to noticing tiny, mostly trivial things in the realm of film/tv continuity, so it’s not a dig or a complaint on my part. I just happened to pick-up on it, and if Mr. Purcell plans to play an American again, he might want to be more vigilant. I personally don’t care about that sort of thing, but critics just love to bust on actors for accents, or lack thereof.

I was also familiar with William Fichtner from all sorts of role. Some may remember him in “Blades of Glory” or as Sully in “The Perfect Storm”, just to name a couple. Mr. Fitchtner has a talent for making minor facial expressions which translate to big acting. Perhaps that doesn’t make sense, but he has perfected the “micro-movement” and I found that talent particularly useful in making “Mahone” an integral part of “Prison Break”. The one discovery I did make when browsing IMDb, was that Mr. Fichner is an NHL fan. Well, for that I think he is a great man. Now having said that, I am not sure about his Buffalo Sabres, because as far as I am concerned – it’s the Washington Capitals all the way. However, I can only be happy that there are NHL fans out there and I do appreciate the Sabres goalie, Ryan Miller, so I will just be glad for the discovery of yet another hockey fan walking the face of the Earth.

Now I can move onto Wentworth Miller. He played Michael Scofield (yes – I did spell Scofield wrong in part I and I thank someone named Julia for pointing that out to me). Here’s where my fingers will really start flying because the entirety of who am has been solidified simply by reading some of the IMDb Message Board posts, gossip and other internet “news” regarding Mr. Miller. There is a very simple reason why I, as entertaining as I have been told I am over and over again, have not tried to get into the entertainment industry. So far I have read that Wentworth Miller is gay, is lying about his cultural background, can’t act his way out of paper bag, is the hottest man alive, is too tired and weak to find good roles, has a bad American accent and the list just goes on and on, ad infenitum.

Does he really want dirty fan mail? Is he a closeted gay as Perez Hilton might have you believe? Is he now a regular on Law & Order – SVU? Does he really like all sorts of hot food when he eats at a Thai restaurant? Is his head-shaved look more sexy than his grown-out hair look? What the FUCK???????? The way I see it, he’s a guy who got a really good gig with Prison Break and now he’s doing something else. Do I think he’s rather fine-looking person? Sure. Do I think he’s gay? I could care less. Frankly anyone who claims to like Scrabble is “okay” in my book. I am a Scrabble fan myself. Then again, I’ve never met him and I therefore, don’t really know if he likes Scabble. People out there have spent many, many hours on message boards begging others for his e-mail address and yet others have spent many more hours arguing if he’s gay or if he can, in fact, really act. Also, the fact that he is 37 and still unmarried seems to get people in some sort of speculative frenzy about his sexuality and a whole of host of other personality and lifestyle characterstics. As it happens, I am also 37 and as yet, unmarried. Maybe Mr. Miller felt he needed to accomplish certain things in his life before committing to a wife and family (or life-partner if that’s his bag). I know that’s why I have yet to marry. I have done the things I wanted to do, so marriage and family is right for me at this point, but I would never judge anyone for being single at the age of 37 – not ever. It wouldn’t even dawn on me to do so.

After spending more time than I should have reading through hundreds of posts and following links that painted Mr. Miller as the either the best or the worst actor ever, the hottest guy in the world, except when his hair is grown out and so on, I couldn’t help but be slightly disheartened in sympathy for him. I’m sure there are a lot of ego-boosting qualities about being so well-known, yet, it has to be extremely isolating as well. I don’t know – I’ve not met him. It’s highly unlikely I ever will, so I guess it makes no difference what I think. I just know I won’t be on the message boards interjecting my opinions and I also know that I am relieved that no one could give a shit what I eat or with whom I spend my time.

It’s probably plain coincidence that I watched my “Prison Break” seasons 1 + 2 in marathon style at about the same time I had a major epiphany I didnt even really notice the epiphany – it just sort of crystallized after I finished watching season 2. I have written that I probably will not have children. For one thing, I’m not married (nor am I having sex with anyone to be blunt), so it seems unlikely that children are in the near future. However, for the first time in my life, I can see being married as a logical possibility now. I’m not against having children either – it’s just a bit riskier for me than most others.

When I was younger, I knew there were things I wanted to do with my life. Against all odds, to the dismay of my mother and the amazement of those who I have met along the way. I have actually accomplished most of those things. I have been in every state in the U.S. I have been on every continent (except Antarctica – and I’m not in a big rush for that). I have seen some of the most talented musical acts in the world live. Including U2, Metalica, Dave Brubeck, Tom Jones, Harry Connick Jr., Chris Issac, Madonna, Depeche Mode, Peter Gabriel (best concert in my life), Frank Sinatra, Aeorsmith, Crosby-Stills-Nash+Young (and various combinations), Pink Floyd, Barenaked Ladies, Alanis Morrisette, Tori Amos, NIN, REM (second best concert ever) and I could go on, but I’m thinking I’ve made my point. I wanted to be a season ticket holder for at least one NHL season for the Washington Capitals and I did it during Olie Kolzig’s last season with the Capitals. Olie’s my favorite goalie, so I hit the timing jackpot on that one. I have an A.A. degree, 2 BS Degrees and an MS Degree and I worked hard and while getting all of them. I took care of my family, even when they didn’t appreciate it. I have worked in a corner office over-looking the Baltimore Inner Harbor for a multi-million dollar business. I SING everyday, even when all hell has broken loose. I wrote and produced my own music – enough to fill a CD. I’ve rescued many animals. I’ve volunteered my time and money to causes that meant somethin gto meI have re-paid everyone from whom I’ve borrowed money and most importantly, I have been true to myself and others while doing all of that. Of course, I added a few things to my “list of things I’d like to accomplish”, but frankly, if I dropped dead tomorrow – I’d go satisfied that I never stopped trying.

Thanks for “Prison Break” Fox Television. In my world – it was perfect timing.

Go be yourselves and thanks for reading – peace – mia (sciencegirl99@excite.com)

Prison Break Marathon from Hell/Heaven Part 1

Yes, it has been quite some time since I had a chance to sit down and type my thoughts out for any who care to read. It’s been one heck of a few years for me. Most people don’t have the backstory, because I have changed my blog sites several times since I started blogging in 2000. However, between the two blogs I have at WordPress.com, I think anyone who might be interested could at least get some idea.

I am now steadily employed and my health has improved. Those two things were my goals, and I have accomplished them. However, I’m now looking to rebuild. I’m 37 years old and I have to put aside all creativity and other freedoms of my mind for an indeterminate amount of time (yeah-and I have some nice swamp land in Florida for sale too!). That is not an easy feat, nor is it a welcome one either. It is necessary though. I lost almost everything. For me, the physical, material stuff is not as important as the time and family lost. Of course, I am totally human enough to admit that losing my life-savings, pension, and other venues of financial stability did almost put me “under”, so to speak.

An odd thing has happened though – I have found a sense of peace that allows me to believe in who I am more than ever before in my life. I am not at all easily defined. I have yet to find a “box” in which to fit. I know that others would like to categorize me in one way or other. It truly bothers me less and less these days. The fact that I am alive and I have survived – time and time again is impressive, even to me, at this point.

I can’t say anything with any certainty anymore – other than I am sure that love is not a myth. Love is not far away. Love may be illusive and harsh, but it is the single reason I have not crumbled to nothing. I have been so protective of myself over the years, that I convinced myself a long time ago that love does not exist for the likes of me. Nowadays, I am sure love hasn’t jumped up and bitten me in the ass, but it will. I will gladly receive a bite like that. People can love me – because I can surely love them. Plus, I have discovered that I’m not as far removed from everyone as I had once previously thought.

I suppose I am divulging my inner thoughts today for several reasons, but the catalyst was actually the fact that I have no television anymore. Okay, I should be more specific. To back-track a bit, I was almost homeless, along with three rescued cats. A person I had not seen in almost 17 years re-appeared in my life and offered me a very small “studio” in the middle of farm-land, Harford County, MD. I lovingly call this part of MD The Great Hockey Void, or The Hockey Black Hole. I also spent my young childhood and early adulthood in The Great Hockey Void.

Anyway, my point is that I can’t really put it anymore plainly – I now live in a barn (or more precisely – an old milkhouse). The barn has a metal roof and that makes any television reception almost impossible, and no digital signal has a chance – even with a huge lightening rod on the roof (a.k.a. – antenna). I don’t really need TV, other than to hear the weather report. I have an emergency radio that I have placed in the just the right location to pick-up a garbled weather report, so that problem is solved.

I am grateful for my tiny little room. It has a roof, a toilet and a very small shower in the corner. I sleep on my couch, because no bed will fit in the room – well, other than a “prison-size” bed. This brings me to the reason I titled this particular blog entry as I have.  I have to make light of my current living situation. It helps me break loose, in my own head that is, of the fact that some people in prison acutally live in a bigger space than I. Yes, my “studio” is just that small.

Since I need to start from scratch at the age of 37, one might imagine that I struggle with the inner forces that tend to creep forward of the brain and remind me that most educated people with my mental prowess don’t live in “prison” cells. “Well, I do,” I tell myself. I follow with a joke or quip about my “jailcell”. I will rebuild and find my way out of Harford County, MD again. Those from Harford County who take offense – apologies – I just don’t belong. Don’t take it personally.

I am a fan of the local public library. First, there are plenty of books, of all varieties to be read and all for free. Second, the branch closest to me has a decent selection of DVDs to be borrowed for free. I have kept myself current on most big and small screen entertainment thanks to my local public library – and all for free. Recently, I have tried to catch-up on TV series that I either started watching mid-series or have never seen at all for one reason or another.

I started watching Prison Break on Fox at the beginning of the 3rd season. I was already familiar with Dominic Purcell from the TV show, “John Doe.” That show didn’t last, but I was a fan from the start. My former boyfriend, who quickly became simply a roommate and then something much less friendly, was a fan of “Prison Break.” I began my “Prison Break” experience while Michael Scofield was in Sona. Needless to say, I was confused quite often, because I had no idea the “T-Bag” histroy and all that had lead to Scofield’s imprisonment. I picked-up a lot though. Eventually, “Prison Break” became a regular Monday evening activity.

My public library did not have any seasons of “Prison Break” until two weeks ago. I saw the first season was there and all three DVDs containing the complete first season were available, so I borrowed them, along with two movies. As I’ve mentioned, my life went in toilet and I am in the process of climbing out and drying off, so I spend most of my non-work time in my own personal, figurative and literal prison. It seemed fitting to spend an entire weekend watching the complete first season of “Prison Break.”

I do joke that I get out of my “cell” for some yard time (otherwise known as running errands and the 3 hour commute to and from work). The rest of time, I am generally confined to my space and my own head. I read books, but I need to take “word” breathers every-so-often. (Although – WORDS ROCK and I am a fan of language – eapecially my own) I did that two weekends ago with the entire first season of “Prison Break.” It may seem as though I’m an oddball from way back (which may be true), but I have to admit that I am very glad I watched “Prison Break” in the order that I did.

I enjoyed watching the difference between “Sucre” in season 3 vs. “Sucre” in season 1. I doubt it would have been so noticable if I had watched the series in sequencial order. I spent this last weekend watching the complete second season. (I had a minor “lack of technology problem”, so this entry was started exactly one month ago today, so I have seen the entire series at this point – just waiting on the the two episodes that turned into a little Prison Break movie – The Final Break)

The “Hell” part of my blog title only relates to the actual television show with respect to the fact that I seriously started to get a tad “loopy” after hearing the opening credits theme song over and over and over and over and over and over again – ad nauseum. I didn’t always have the remote nearby or I felt it would be silly to hit next when the opening credits barely lasted 30 seconds. After I got 1/3 through the second season of my “Prison Break” marathon, I started humming the opening theme. My dreams contained the opening credit theme music. I started hearing that music while sitting quietly on the train, heading to work. It truly did make me slightly batty.

The “Hell” part relates more to the very personal thoughts that seemed to have some vaque, yet not so coincidental tie to the progression of the “Prison Break”. First, I should enlighten you, the poor soul who is actually reading this, that two weeks before I watched the episode that allowed us into the shrink’s office where “Scofield’s condition” was revealed as “Low Latency Inhibition”, I’d heard that term myself. Some may think that this particular “personality trait” is a faux, made-for-tv, imaginary psychological term. Personally, had I not been figuratively “poked and prodded” by a bevy of PhD holding members of the clinical psycology social set recently – I’d have thought the same. Alas, however, it seems that after many years of IQ and personality tests – the “Low Latency Inihibition” label landed squarely on me. It was actually my constant blogging that brought me to the attention of a bored researcher who found my “blogging” style quite fascinating.

I had been told in past conversations with those who study the human mind that I am “hypervigilant”. The only problem with that particular label is that it is associated with those who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. While I can attest to the fact that I might possibly be traumatically stressed out enough, for long enough, to have that stick – it makes much more sense that I’ve simply been this way since I was a wee young child. I will state now that I have had my fill of the WAIS-R and if I even here mention of an IQ test again – for a long time to come – I will RUN like a lion-chased Gazelle in Africa. I found it interesting that I was not surprised when I heard the term “Low Latency Inhibition”  twice in less than two weeks – in seemingly unrelatable circumstances.

I found a great deal of comfort in knowing that I just don’t care anymore why I am the way that I am. I am, and that’s good enough for me. This all correlates to my “Prison Break” marathon very nicley in my own head. However, to type the progression of those thoughts here would take eons and quite frankly, I sincerely doubt that anyone would want to read my free-association rallies that lead to my ultimate decision to view the way I am in an entirely new light. I’ll simply mention that I am a rather rabid fan of the “Prison Break” series. I’m also very glad it’s over. I’m sad it’s over too! That show was just proposterous – but WOW – I took to it like a moth to a flame.

I need to sleep now. 4:30 AM comes more quickly that I like these days, so I am off. PART 2 will no doubt have a lot to do with my great appreciation for Robert Knepper and all of his glorious lines as Theodore Bagwell. I mean – “…geologist of the rock candy variety” is just one of the hundreds of the priceless jems uttered by “T-Bag” on “Prison Break”.

I am not as technology-challenged as I have been over the last two years and I’m itching to type – so Part Two will be coming sooner rather than later.

Rock on Readers – peace – mia