No Small Thing

…to look around and to touch the ground, there is no voice. No other sound. The peace we’ve found and the hearts we’ve bound. There are so many reasons to hide, inside. It’s not just a matter of pride. Will you hang on and enjoy the ride?…

I recently bought my very own personal copy of the new U2 release, “No Line on the Horizon”. After several good listens and after reading that Rolling Stone has called it a “5 Star Materpeice”, I feel I should at least share some thoughts here. From my perspective, “5 Star Materpiece” seems a bit too hefty on the praise. Don’t get me wrong – it is worth the money and I really enjoy most of the songs. There are at least three songs that I consider to be “great”. However, as a long-time listener of U2 and owner of all their albums, I can’t honestly say “5 Star Masterpiece.”

I suppose that if I were to take into account only the music that has recently released, “5 Star Masterpiece” would seem more fitting. But I’m comparing this album to the body of work U2 has already released. Of course, it is all a matter of musical taste, so what I type here is merely my opinion. Since I am very familiar with U2, it is a well-informed opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. The simple fact that the Irish fellas experiment and still find musical glory gives them a big-old “kudos” from me, no matter what. I have to admit that the lyrics are semi-standard U2 and fairly flat, all things considered. But the accompaniment can’t be described as typical and, in general, I’m a fan of the new stuff. GO U2 with you bad-ass selves!

I lost my most favorite, and only guitar left, no less, to a theft late last year. It was a sad, sad situation for me. However, I have been given an acoustic guitar recently, so I am no longer without guitar. I have to thank the Guitar Gods for hearing my prayers of longing. Technically, the guitar is in great condition. I just need to change some strings and work with the action a bit. I don’t fair well if I don’t have a quitar near me when I’m in the place where I sleep, so things are looking up – I’d say.

This brings me to my topic – I can’t be the way so many people around me seem to want me to “be”. One of my closests friends is married and has two children. I, however, have never been married and I do not have children, but I am helping to raise a total of 5 kids at the moment. I might as well be “Aunt” Mia to a 2-year old and a 7-year old. Both of whom I see many times a week, and I am somewhat of  a “Cool Aunt” Mia to a set of 16-year old twins and a 13-year old. I cannot tell you how much guff I get from most people with which I converse about the fact that I am not married and I do not have children. I have some thoughts for those who care to judge me against some “normal” standard and I will gladly share those thoughts here.

Number one – I am not afraid of children, nor do I not want to have children. However, I have no idea what sort of genetic issues are lurking in me that I could curse any biological of mine with unknowingly. I was adopted and I refuse to spend my precious time on this Earth trying to find my biological parents – especially considering that a decision like putting a child up for adoption should be, in my mind at least, left alone without revisitation. My medical status and genetic tests have confirmed that I have a high chance of passing on certain genetic traits that will make a biological child of mind suffer from mildly to severely. Why take that chance when there are children born everyday to people who can’t feed, clothe or provide basic necessities for their own children? Maybe I am some sort of “devil spawn” who is ignoring my “purpose for living” given to me by “God”, as some people have bluntly pointed to me and said. Maybe I am counter-acting some base genetic need to propogate. Maybe I am ruining some sort of architype created to increase the spread of human beings on the Earth and make people feel comfortable and unthreatened.

I cannot do anything other than remind those who will at least listen (or in this case read) that I refuse to propogate suffering. I refuse to do things because others EXPECT that is what is the norm. Am I abnormal? You bet your ass I am. I cannot change the core of what is me and believe me – I have tried. It has never worked and usually causes me much more trouble than I should have. I give other peoples’ children my time and attention without condition, so the need to have one of my own is simply not present.

As far as what is at the CORE of ME – well, some astute readers can probably guess that MUSIC is a core part of me. My love of ICE HOCKEY is also a core part of me. I require a certain amount of time in solitude. These are not just things I like, they are all things I literally need to be ME. It seems so simple to me, yet for numerous reasons, both known to me and not known to me, I cannot find a single human being in all of my assorted travels who I have actually met and spoken with who gets those three basic things. It confounds me to no end. Why is it so frickin’ important that I “SETTLE”, or more to the point “SETTLE DOWN”,  as many have informed me is my duty or some such other pile of garbage.

In other words, I am some sort of “devil woman” because I know exactly who I am and exactly what I like, want and need. Yeah, I get it (so totally NOT)!

Anyway, I suppose I will wander around loving my music and hockey and time of reflective solitude with only myself as company. I cannot be what others want me to be. I was not built that way. Perhaps I am from another planet all together?

Rock on everyone and don’t be afraid of yourself – peace – mia

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