Archives – July 2007

Don’t Anyone Tell Me Anything about “Rescue Me”

Monday, July 30, 2007, 12:59:00 AM

…Every moment that passes and flies, can slow to a stop or flash before your eyes. If someone brings you in horror to your knees, shut your lids and dream of the seas. The only way to truly lose, is to close your mind and chose…

I can’t watch every show on TV when it happens, so right now I’m working my way through “Rescue Me”. I have been watching the new season and I’m cathing up quickly, but I don’t want any one saying anything until I’ve seen it all the way through. NO SPOILERS ALLOWED! I have to see the second season of “Rome” and I have a few “Sopranos” left as well.

My family situation won’t be mentioned here again, after today. My friend Brad (who gets his own paragraph in this entry), has made jokes about my mother. He’ll say things in reference to the movie “Omen” about needing an old priest and a young priest. Well, the way I see it – why would I want to drag someone else into this situation. This is between me and her. I love her for trying.

My friend Brad may be wondering why I haven’t spoken to him in about a month. It’s a long story, but the gist is simply that I need to conserve as much energy as I possibly can right now. I realize that I’m usually the first to crack jokes about my various interesting ailments, so I can see how he and I have patterned certain things. The last time I saw Brad, I understood he was in a “bad head-space” before he even said it outloud. However, this is not a drill and I’m not making jokes. I was trying to help Brad and he just got more and more mean and shitty as the time we spent together went on. I called him to talk about his piss-poor behavior a couple of days later and his mood had not changed. I can’t have assholes spewing their frustration directly at me until I get a few things wokring a little better in my life. He’ll here from me soon. Don’t be a shitass dude. That’s the only rule.

Well, okay, I might make a few jokes about my current health situation. If everything that goes on with my body everyday is caused by only Lyme, then I Rahe-ee-ee-elly (Dr. Cox style) should tell ya to check for ticks. Shit man. This blows! I have some symptoms that rarely present, but I also have a pretty full load of tress to compound the issues. Plus, I have a very minor congenital heart thing (so I’ve been told) that has for likely a chance of becoming a very major problem that has been triggered by the bacteria. I can’t give it to anyone, but I’m not interested in testing that at the moment. Sometimes just a soft touch on certain parts of my body cause me pain. A certain individual I know who just his second DWI and should just plain stop driving, because he’s not going to quit drinking, likes to poke me to show his affection. STOP POKING ME DUDE!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD IN THE UNIVERSE LEARN THIS NOW – PLEASE STOP POKING ME!!!!!!

My symptoms change all the time, but over time, I think I’ve learned about some of them enough to know how to function with them. Other symptoms pop-up at the spur of the moment and I have no idea why, how long it(they) will last and what I can do to deal. Sometimes I sound like Rice Krispies after the chosen breakfast cereal liquid. I can handle most of that, except for the complete lock-up of particular joints, but it makes me a leary when I can hear most of my spine crack. Yeah, that one makes me nervous. Most of the time I’m playing the exo-thermal game like some sort of marine iguana, because I don’t seem to thermoregulate properly. For a few months, I took my temperature three times a day and it was never the same and it was never “normal.” Now, I just sweat while standing completely still in a really chilly room and feel like I’m freezing from the inside while I’m standing in 98% humidity having the clear and direct mid-day sun. I can’t say I’m bored.

As it appears to work in my life, I’ll have to scrap the 5-Star Mia Vacation I planned will have to be scrapped, for now. No flying for me. Not that I believe everything I hear, but several things, including the advice of a cardiologist, lead me to believe that I don’t want to put my body (especially me heart) through any type of atmospheric change. Makes sense to me. I can wait. Besides, I traded-up for Washington Capital season tickets. Let’s see, I think it’s 44 days of guaranteed goalie watching for me! Yup, that’ll work. Plus, I take the Metro to the games, so I’ll get some exercise by only using the stairs to get up to and down from street level. I can visit my friend Brad and have a wide variety of food that might not piss-off my Upper-GI situation available within even my current walking distance. YAY – that sounds like fun. I have a couple of animals I need to find homes for as well. I think I’m going to have to let the new caps look grow on me. Oh, and Anthony was very helpful, which is yet another reason to be a CAPS fan. Hocky just rocks. C’mon, admit it! You know you want to.

I’m not much great fun to be around nowadays. I try to maintain a certain attitude, but it doesn’t always work. This is another reason I haven’t been attempting to spend time with my friends. Not much I can do about that for right now. I don’t take my frustration out directly at my friends no matter what, but I’m uncomfortable most of the time and I’m completely bewildered at how little my body can tolerate at the moment. I miss appointments or have to reschedule my entire life all the time, because I drive a five-speed manual and my left foot and the muscles and joints that make it work sometimes just give out or lock-up. Since it isn’t possible to speed-shift in a real-life situation without causing some damage, I therefore can’t go anywhere.

Okay, gotta go, something has come up – peace (it’s in the music)

Whose shoes have you been in recently

Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 10:11:00 AM

It seems that doing the hotel thing has become more than just a weekend thing. My mother is one nasty customer. At this point, she does not have certain legal rights, so when she tells me to get out of her house and she calls me all those wonderfull horrible things, I have the power now and she can’t tell me squat. It still kills me a little inside when the last surviving member of my family continues to be a complete asshole, even though I stayed in Maryland and have been loyal to the crazies I like to call the Maryland Lueths (the NJ Lueths are related and possibly just as crazy). The Virginia Lueths and The Oregon Lueth (now carries a different last name) are the future of the Lueths. I am not. I am not gentically related to any of them. After the last real MD Lueth no longer exists, my life begins anew. I’m fighting to keep my life, but I grew up learning from the most stubborn people I have ever met. I believe I’ll be okay eventually. She’ll be treated with love and respect and taken well care of, depite herself.

I found the best indoor pool ever! The best part – the owner remembered me because he adopted a cat from me a few years ago. I actually remember the cat, but not the owner. He wanted a cat that liked to hang around its owner and cuddle on the couch and during sleepy time. I rescued a cat that I found in the back of a grocery store who turned out to have some rear leg trauma. I spent a good bit of time with the cat, whose name is now Rosie, and she never really cuddled up with me. The minute I brought Rosie to visit her possible new owner, she limped around sniffing for a few minutes and then jumped up on her new owner’s lap, started purring and then showed her fuzzy little belly. That was one of the easiest adoption decisions I’ve ever had to make. I didn’t even try to remove Rosie to get her final vet check. Her new owner was more than willing to take over. It was as close to love at first sight as I’ve ever seen before. That was a great day for all parties involved. I made a quick call to check on Rosie (I follow all animals that I placed to see how they are coming along) and her owner asked if I wanted to come by and have a visit with Rosie and he also offered the use of his year-round pool. I had a few hours yesterday, so I went for a visit.

Here’s the thing about being responsible for rescued animals – sometimes hard decisions have to be made. I’ve had to put some of them to sleep. I’ve had to deny children the chance to adopt animals that they really seem to like, because some families simply do not have the resources to add another member. The large percentage of animals I’ve rescued have either behavioral difficulties, medical difficulties or, most likely, both. The flip side is the reason I use my personal money and time to place rescued animals. Rosie is a good example of the flip side. I got there and the first face that greeted me was Rosie’s. I opened the car door and Rosie hopped up on my lap with no hesitation. She pawed at my keys and made some cat sounds. It wasn’t unitl later did I learn that Rosie always does that to people who come to visit in vehicles, because her owner has the tendancy to leave his keys in the ignition and Rosie learned to remind him not to do that. Amazing little limping Rosie! I guess she decided that all humans need to be reminded not to leave their keys in the ignition. Rosie and her owner showed me during the visit the power of the human/cat dynamic.

I needed to do some pool exercise so I changed and got into the pool. I had barely gotten completely wet when Rosie came popping out of the bushes with all four legs splayed. Splash! There was Rosie in the pool moving her three good legs as if she were a water-dog. I’ve personally never seen a cat who liked water enough to go swimming before. I was almost brought to tears by Rosie’s fun spirit and her ability to swim. I think just seeing her so active and able to learn brought me to a sentimental state during the course of our pool exercise. When I got out of the pool, Rosie ran over to the pool house and pawed at the door. I opened the door and saw several fresh towels with which to dry myself. What a cat! She even let me know that the towel on top was for me by not accepting a towel until I had dried myself first.

Her buddy (the owner of the house) has offered me full use of the pool so that I can make sure I get my exercises done properly. He even told me that if I went under water and did not come up, there is a panic button set-up for Rosie to push in case of emergency. She has already used the button once when a landscaper slipped on wet grass and broke his wrist and leg and then passed out. Not only can this cat save my life, but I get an exercise partner so I don’t have to splash around all by myself. Some decisions I have made in life have turned out to be good decisions and I thank Rosie and her buddy for illustrating that so brilliantly.

Life is good sometimes, so grab the memory of those times and place them in the front of your head. Those memories are the ones that allow a confident next step forward. I do have plenty of experience with such things, so I can assure you, the reader (and thanks for stopping into my blog and checking it out), that I am not steering you wrong.

Oh, and I just remembered that I would go into further detail about the gift that keeps on giving. In this case, I am refering to the fact that I broke my tail bone last year while playing pick-up hockey. I remember how painfull it was when it forst happened, but I live with pain all the time, so I did not notice any problems after my recovery period was said to be over and complete. I’ve realized that the Lyme and stress symptoms have actually appeared in my tail bone, so all things tail bone related have become a struggle yet once again. Damn the toilet and my need to expel waste! I can really only say only one thing about all of this – “If all ice hockey equipment is made without a way to actually protect the tail bone, then perhaps it should. All ice hockey goalies should know that a broken tail bone with stop you faster than most of the other things that can happen to you on the ice.”

One last thing before I start my day of ball busting – short air strips kill people. If anyone out there has a little extra money or time, maybe it would be a good investment to assist Brazil (and other South and Central America locations) in having proper sized landing strips for the safety of all air travelers. It could have been you, me or someone you love on that plane that crashed in Brazil. Send the music out whenever you can – peace – mia (PS – thank you Netflix)

Illusions of Illusive Delusions

Thursday, July 12, 2007, 12:59:00 AM

…winds of laughter blow as they please – don’t worry boys, your mums heart is pinned upon your sleeve. The green flecks blocking the sun move when you squint – no search is worth the mint. Our love finds itself where a Parrot hides – we all get pulled away by life’s many sides. Maria is a common name – even if they call me Mia, both those names still rhyme with see ya. Silliness is worth it, as it goes –  have you heasrd that two sciencetists believe the Dark Energy grows…

I have finally managed to schedule and get a nice 5 Star getaway planned during the first week of October so that I can turn off my cell phone and hopefully I don’t even hear my name for an entire 6 nights, 7 days. That might be too much to hope for, but I’m hoping for it anyway. The one thing that makes the trip even better than a private beach villa all to myself, is the fact that not a single person I know will be able to call me in some sort of bad head-space or emergency or immediate request. My body is failing on me and I can’t do any one, any favors or assist them in any way if I’m dead now can I? Well, perhaps I could in some small way, but it would be best for all parties if I remain alive for the a while longer. I might see about 12 people, if I’m lucky.

I had an endoscopy (upper-GI exploration) and my esophagus is pretty unhappy. My valve (actually it’s a sphincter) stays open so it allows all the stomach acid to go back up to my throat. My current diet consists mostly of water, small amounts of bread, cottage cheese, 60 calorie yogurt smoothies and the occassional nibble of greek food containing feta cheese and milk. I wish I could say that I have lost about 25 since the beginning of the month based on my very low calorie diet, but alas, that is not what happened. I’ve been eating like that for quite a while, because I have had GERD for many years. My diet basically stays fairly consistant. I will eat other things, but not regularly or often. My former doctor gave me Phentermine. It’s a danm good thing I operate on all cylinders almost all of the time, because I have a heart problem caused by Lyme disease and he knew that I had several flare-ups of Pericarditis, which is when the heart sack strangles the heart. NO NITRO for me thanks. Yes doctor, give me something that has a high chance of causing me heart problems. No thanks, I’ve already got one. I feel I should cut-back.

I’ll need to get this entry up for you now. The wi-fi at this particular hotel can’t hold a big load and someone is probably downloading something somewhere on this wi-fi broadcast. As usual, feel free to e-mail or make a comment. Don’t save the love for yourself. It can travel through time. Peace – mia.

Extra-polate Back Words

Tuesday, July 10, 2007, 12:59:00 AM

I never check the statistics for this blog, so I could be typing out into empty space for all I know. I do get comments and e-mails from people who have read certain entries. I can say for certain that at least one person has read one of my blog entries. I used to have anonymous people on my mailing list, but all those who were listed as “anonymous” are no longer on the mailing list. If you read this and you were on my mailing list, but you listed yourself as “anonymous”, please re-try and do not choose the “anonymous” setting to be included in the mailing list.

I mention the fact that I don’t really know who exactly reads my entries and how often, because I’ve been told quite often that I should write a book about my life. I think I even remember addressing that in a former incarnation of this blog. I seem to recall that I have thought about it, but isn’t that what I’ve been doing here for the last 7 years or so? Well, the answer to that question is actually “no”. I type here to express certain things as a means to share (I think sharing is useful, for the most part) and to force myself to work some shit out in my head in as quickly and efficiently as I possibly can. The 4th dimension doesn’t like me very much and I haven’t figured out to deal with it. I’m sure some of you aren’t sure what I mean. You are not the only ones – that’s for sure.

I am starting every paragraph with the pronoun “I” for a very specific reason. I stepped into a trap that got me stuck and I can’t seem to get loose. Hopefully it’s understood that I use many literary devices, including figurative illustration. In other words, I am just as much literal as I am figurative. I have had to move back to the family house to take care of my mother. I’m the only one left in the world to do it, so I do, because it is the right thing to do. However, the damage I’ve received in and around that house and through my family is more than I’d hope anyone in the world ever has to endure, and thus I got stuck in some moment of pain (I think), but I can’t get to it to address it. Might sound strange to some and typical to others, but it’s a plain literal and figurative truth from my perspective. Oh, but I should stress that I’m going for your throat Comcast, so no one at Comcast Cablevision LLC should be thinking about becoming complacent. I put you on the fast-tracked, one-track. It’s almost like it’s hardwired now.

I should get to the point then eh? My parents enlightened me in many ways and for that I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I do my best to keep that part seperate from the hell I traverse second by second, because of my parents. Not all parents are created equal. It it was it is in the end, as it were or shall be, and deeply, I’m okay with that. The reason I have not formerly published a book about my life is mostly because I don’t want to be sued by my own mother. She’d do it if she had a chance and I don’t have time for such a thing, so until both halves of my parents are deceased, many things will remain untyped, unspoken and unwritten.

Some time has passed since I started this blog so It’s been a couple days difference from this paragraph to the last. In that time the main issue revealed itself and now I can be stumped again. Sometimes previous hurts linger around and lay dormant, similar to some volcanoes, and sometimes they rumble from far beneath, but you aren’t quite sure from where or what it means. Most good sciencetists would investigate, compile data, and well, basically wait for something else to happen (here’s where I split from modern day clinical pshycholgists, I’m noting in passing). I did that and as things happened, I finally triangled my way downward to the source of the rumblings.

So, as I was mulling things over in my head, I picked-up a very precise question. “Mia, why are you trying to take on the World?” Hence, now the only real and true answer I have for that at this moment is, “I don’t know – it just seems right and I don’t think I have a choice.” My brain doesn’t allow me restfull sleep, so aside from the physical detriment, I’m what you could call a “very sharp tack” in a box of paperclips. I’m probably offending a possible reader out there by stating it so bluntly, but that is what happens sometimes. In a sense, I know everthing but the answer to that question.

Again, I’m starting this part around 2:45am, so some time has passed since the last paragraph. I have to find an assisted living facility for my mother (as if she already didn’t like me). Once she’s securely squared away, I’m donating 30 acres of old growth trees to the Mt. Holly Conservation Society in Vermont and then I’m buying oceanfront property on a private island that rhymes with Malt Bay. I’ll figure out a way.

Anyway, there won’t be anymore about a certain cable company in my blog entries. I’ll save it all for them. I need to wrap-up for now. I believe the dates on the blogs come into readable view incorrectly, so today is July 9, 2007. – peace – mia


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