Not Feelin’ My Oats – Brain Tumors Don’t Have to Mean “You’re Dead”

3/23/10

Given my assorted, mysterious health issues; I am forced to put all of my patience into practice every day. I had a brain tumor scare in February. It could have blinded me or I could have lost an eye in surgery. There was some suspicion around this time of year in 2008 that there was something affecting my vision and could possibly have been the route cause of my health issues. I still had my health insurance at that point so I was able to get some medical tests and see a specialist at that point. I have now been told that the tumor was probably too small at that point. I had brain surgery through the nasal cavity, which is high-risk and not commonly practiced as a standard option for my type of benign tumor.

Since I am writing this entry; it should be obvious that I survived with my vision and both of my eyeballs. I like my eyeballs firmly in my head at all times, so all is well. The good news – odd circumstances lead to the discovery of the tumor in just enough time to have it removed before it did major damage to my main optical nerve bundle and permanently blinded me. Bad news – there is no apparent correlation between my major symptoms and this tumor.

My Lasik Plus ride is also over. My eyes are slipping again and I need glasses to drive at night. I will have to get an eye test every month for a while, then every other month for a while, and so on. I suppose it would have been wise of me to add the vision plan for my 2010 insurance option this year, huh? I had Lasik surgery in 2005, so I wasn’t expecting to need prescription eye-wear and an annual test wouldn’t cost me as much as the vision plan per annum. It seemed like reasonable logic didn’t it? I can’t have laser surgery on my eyes or anywhere near my eyes for several years, because of my tumor removal. Back to specs I go.

I have made vast improvements over the last year, but I am in no rush at all. You could equate me to a deliberate elderly person right now. My inner “Mia” wants to move, move, move and do, do, do. The controlling two-thirds of me demands more of a “walk, look, breathe, relax, amble, rest” type of existence. My “okay” days remain the highest number. I don’t think I’ve had any “great” days, but the “good” days do outnumber the “bad” days by a decent margin. I have had a few “awful” days and today I get to add 1 to a new category to reflect my day that I have dubbed a “foot in the grave” day.

Usually, I have a sense of what kind of day I’m going to have as soon as I open my eyes and get motivated in the morning. Today I was tricked. I got Punk’d. I felt good and I set my mind to doing what I do on “good” days, which differs from what I can realistically do on a “bad” day. I’ve had a lot of practice understanding the difference between the two and the best mind-set for each. I had no warning today. I do everything I can not to take vacation, personal, or sick time, because I am like a “time-saving squirrel” these days. I never know when a long, hard winter might be coming – if you catch my drift. I did not have an option or choice of any kind today.  

Doing justice to the situation in this format in terms of explaining how fast my day went from “good” to “foot in the grave” may not happen, but I will try. I turned on the coffee maker and bent over to get some dry food out of plastic bin sitting on my floor to give my cat what I call “yummies” for her breakfast. I then straightened up and turned to head to hit the shower. Before I could take two full steps; I felt like someone had doused my legs in an accelerant and lit them on fire. Then within seconds of that; I felt like several people were hitting me with golf-clubs. As soon as I got myself back to my couch/bed; I felt like I had been out tossing shots all night without hydrating. I was dizzy and I threw-up all over my faux-crocs sitting next to my couch/bad.

Now, you tell me – what the hell is that and why does it happen at very random times for no apparent reason whatsoever? How am I supposed have anything close to a “normal” life when something like that can happen to me – at any time. Most of my symptoms eased throughout the morning, but it definitely was a sick day today. I couldn’t sit up until around noon and couldn’t try to eat food until around 2 p.m. Yucky.

It is a humorous irony to me that almost everyone who doesn’t know how old I am mistakes me for someone in her 20’s and on the inside I feel like someone in her 60’s – at minimum. I look young and healthy, but I feel old and half-alive. Classic Mia World right there is all I can say!!!

I finally started moving around my little “hillbilly efficiency” as I sometimes like to call my current residence a couple of  hours ago, but feel stiff, sore and achy. Nothing to do but rest and find out what kind of day tomorrow will be.

All is well – life is good – I’m always up for a challenge 😉 – Sing to yourself when there’s no hope to be found and see what happens – peace – mia (sciencegirl99@excte.com)

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